After coming back from holding space as one of the medicine women of Desert Hearts, it was clear what was unfolding in my life. I’m coming up to the 5 year anniversary of my difficult LSD experience back at Coachella and approaching the 10 year anniversary of my best friend taking her life. How fitting is it that all of the instances from my past that played a pivotal role in my life are coming up to the surface this time. With this Full Moon in Libra approaching us, I’m seeing how this is the time for us to find balance between the shadow and the light.
When I think of shadow work, much of it comes from the pain of our past. Stored in our subconscious minds, if we don’t allow ourselves to come from the perspective that the world is unfolding for us, not to us, we allow ourselves to reclaim our power back. To me, this is what sovereignty is all about. When things arrive that may not be all unicorns and rainbows, we can see it as an opportunity to be the alchemist and choose love, recognizing that the icky stuff is arising to be healed, forgiven, and transmuted to help serve the highest benevolence.
What came up for me was the root cause behind the 5 years of psychosis, paranoia, PTSD, anxiety, and all the mental dis-eases that left me debilitated and hiding in the Spiritual Closet. I grew up with my Grandmother letting me know every day, “be careful, it’s danger out there.” That fear-based, limited belief not only wasn’t real, but it also allowed me to play small, believing that life was against me. What I did see was that there were forces outside of me that wanted us to fail. When I say us, I’m speaking for the light workers out in the world. For years, I felt like I was being psychically bullied as I worked on building my queendom. This left me afraid to leave my house, afraid to hang out with my friends, afraid to live my life. When I tapped into my truth and truly recognized just how powerful I could be, I abused my power and found myself mentally tormented by the world outside of me. Simply put, I was raised in a Patriarchal time that while it never resonated, I was taught that to “stand your ground,” you had to be strong and go after what you wanted with full-force, aka super masculine. Clearly I wasn't balanced whatsoever. What I came to realize is that you find yourself in your truest power when you practice radical self-love, authenticity, and vulnerability as you connect and allow yourself to be divinely guided through your intuition. This is when you are living in a space of neutrality.
Understanding the Patriarchy
Up until now, we’ve been ruled by the Patriarchy, a force of power that instilled and did it’s best to rule the minds of the collective through propaganda, fear, and the belief that we are separate. We see how money and corruption has ruled our media, our government, our freedom, but again, we must allow ourselves to walk by faith, not by sight.
Forgive them, for they do not know what they do. - Luke 23:24
Our subconscious minds are picking up everything around us and it becomes stored in our memory. The Patriarchy came in a time around the birth of Jesus Christ. Up until Christianity, women like Queen Isis ruled and were treated with respect. The people of power were upset that Mary Magdalene was the one who found Jesus, her Twin Flame, in the tomb. They cursed her with the title of a prostitute and for generations, the teachings of Mary Magdalene were far from the truth in order to suppress the power of the Feminine. She was the one who anointed Jesus CHRIST, where the literal translation of Christ is the Anointed One. We are in a time where we are the ones who have the power to anoint ourselves as we recognize that we are ONE with not just our brothers and sisters, but also the Ascendant Masters that surround us and are guiding us through this journey we call life. Remember, time is non-linear which means the past and the future are here with us. In this very moment.
You have the power to tap into the guidance of those who have come and gone before us.
You have the power to forgive and love what arises, knowing that it’s coming up to the surface to be showered with your love and light.
You have the power to choose what is in alignment with your truth by choosing and supporting the thoughts that best serve you and the highest benevolence.
Growing up in a “man’s world,” I was completely disconnected from the feminine energy within me. I saw it as a weakness and something so completely foreign to me. I believe that was why I needed to be struck by lightning. I was going down a path of destruction thinking more about what’s in it for me rather than how can I be the fullest embodiment of love and compassion. Being an open vessel without living with the discernment and recognizing that the negative mind helps keep us safe, I ignored the signs and allowed my ego to take the lead to show the world I was “powerful.” That was a big mistake and a lesson I learned the hard way. It took me going to Brazil to visit John of God to help me overcome the psychosis I experienced. In my heart, I knew I wanted to be a conduit of love and compassion, but the truth was, I had an extremely heavy pain-body that needed my TLC before I could go out and save the world. That’s where I held the beliefs that I wasn’t enough. The beliefs that I was a victim to the world around me. Beliefs that I would never be worthy of experiencing a life filled with love.
When our root chakras are closed or blocked, it relates to how much we were loved as children. We feel that in order to “prove” our safety, we must be destructive in order to stand our ground. That only worked for so long. If you’re awake and aware, you can honor your boundaries and say, “no, thank you.” During a time where I wanted nothing but to be loved and recognized that I was worthy, I allowed myself to be so open and so vulnerable, thinking I was untouchable and living without discernment, I allowed anything to come my way, ready to fight my way to prove that I was a force to be reckoned with. A force that lacked grace, compassion, and ease.
If you as a lightworker aren’t spiritually and psychically protected, the lower frequencies can permeate into your aura and attach onto you like energetic vampires. That’s what happened to me. And while it was hell going through it, I’m grateful I did because through that experience I can come from a space of empathy and compassion to those who feel they’ve been psychically attacked and I can have empathy to those who are psychically attacking others. Simply put, it’s a call for love. By choosing a higher perspective, I've allowed myself to reclaim my power and to honor my journey for what it was.
Not knowing the language at that time, I had reoccurring thoughts where I wanted to be released from this dimension. I grew tired of fighting for love, especially when I thought I needed to do it all alone... thank God that's not true! Over the years, I took the time to heal my ancestral karma and to honor and heal my inner child not just for me, but for my future children and to release the shackles from the subconscious influence from my family and line of ancestors and past lives before me. A little girl who experienced death since the age of 2, I believed God didn't want me to experience love, only pain, death, and struggle. There was a point where I'd rather be dead than continuing to fight for my right to live a life of love. Luckily, I have a team of badass angels and guides supporting me along the way, ready to help me transmute what no longer served.
Through practices like Kundalini Yoga, meditation, and community gatherings, we can find ourselves as observers of the world we are living, making the conscious choice to take charge and cocreate our reality with the Divine. As we maintain a daily practice and strengthen our auras + nervous systems, we allow ourselves to live in a space of neutrality, riding the ebbs + flows life offers with grace. Through intention and action, we choose how to live our lives. Because we are in the Aquarian Age, we are recognizing the call for community and oneness. This is why we are witnessing such uproar in the world today.
What got me through the darkest time of my life.
1. Meditation + a daily practice.
2. Recognizing that everything is love or a call for love.
3. Practicing Radical Forgiveness.
4. Taking the time for me to heal whatever arisen and to honor it so that it would be transmuted to help serve the highest benevolence.
5. Allowing myself to release the victim mentality, seeing that everyone is doing their best, based on their level of awareness.
We are birthing a new paradigm.
And some people of “power” aren’t so happy about it. As we allow ourselves to do the nitty gritty work, we find ourselves aligned with the light within us as well as finding the light in those around us. We must live by the sutra, Recognize the other person is you. Where can you love yourself just as much as you love those who are using their power to harm and hurt, because let’s face it, there’ve definitely been times where you’ve hurt or harmed yourself based on how you’ve spoken or thought about yourself. The micro creates the macro. This is how we recognize that as we connect to our truth and align to who we really are, pure, Divine expressions of love and light, we will see the world supporting us on our Divine Mission and Purpose. Tapping into our Truth, our Sat Nam, we find ourselves more synchronized to the miracles that surround us. Living our lives guided by faith rather than sight, we can recognize the obstacles that may arise and the teachers disguised as people and friends. We can see that everything is love or a call for love. We are allowing ourselves to see ourselves as whole and complete again as we work through the pain that once ruled our lives and have the courage to let go and transmute what no longer serves. Sometimes it can feel like we are in the middle of a clusterfuck storm. Honor that clusterfuck, for it's transmuting what no longer serves. This is an opportunity to be the eye of the storm and find stillness as you allow yourself to tune into the inner guidance that speaks in a whisper.
As we release the past, we heal our minds.
As we let go of the pain, we heal our bodies.
As heal our trauma, we heal our souls.
Allow this cosmic time of growth and abundance to shower you with love in all areas of your life. You hold the trajectory of your life. This is the opportunity for you to live your most authentic life. You are enough, all that’s required of you is to tap into your magnificence and to be the lighthouse as you make peace with your past. Seeing that everything up until now has been perfect, you allow yourself to be unstoppable and to be the captain of your soul as you lead by faith.
This is your time to birth new paradigms, one conscious experience at a time.
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